Feature Article

A Not-So-Typical Day in the Life of a Single Mom
by Laurie Mullen

Ok everyone...I know you can appreciate this day.

If whining and absurdity are not in your life experience delete now!!!!!lololol If you had filmed me in action today this is what you would have seen..........

Awake at 3 am ...oldest has a fever of 103...crying...sore throat...croup...open all windows in bedroom..throw son in shower...run downstairs make up couch...get medicine...run up to shower...get son to couch. Search through closet to find 3 ninjas videotape...let out dog...feed dog...lay down for 30 minutes on other couch...

5am...check sick son...still not sleeping...fever not down at all...get in shower ...get dressed....make lunch for youngest...check backpack for hw and swimming trunks/towel...call Dad...get him to come to house for am...wake youngest...oldest wants another shower...get youngest dressed and fed...set out medicines and instructions for Dad...welcome babysitter to door....kiss all goodbye.

7am...pick up student teacher...drive to school...discuss plans for day..call school and y for oldest...correct hw and quizzes...teach 3 classes....discuss plans for student teacher in aft....call 2 parents...find ride home for student teacher...call home...Dad and oldest not there...

11am...drive to parents...pick up oldest there...drive to grocery store...get more tylenol and ginger ale...supplies for Valentine's day party for youngest...go home....help oldest be sick for an entire afternoon (you know the scene lololol) ...call credit card company and fight...call mortgage company and explain..call Gas company and COMPLAIN...call oldests' counselor and endocrinologist...dog pees on my bed (AAAAAAARGH)......friend calls asks me to do singing balloonagram (my side job)...correct papers...2 loads of laundry..(well you know what happens when someone is sick ewwwwww).... pick up kitchen.

4 pm BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!!!!!!!!! Male neighbor comes to house offers to be my "very discreet lover" ( I am not kidding..Happy Valentines Day lolololololololol) have to cut him off because oldest is puking again....friend calls back BEGGING me to do the balloonagram....oldest finally falls asleep...turn on Oprah....before it even begins...he wakes up sick again....(I am now needing a tequila) ...call several friends and neighbors to find someone to pick up youngest at day care...no luck....Dog pees in living room (all this puking is obviously upsetting her!!!) Oldest now in "dry hives" mode as he calls it. Have to pack up the poor kid to go get his brother. Have to stop 3 times for him to get sick on the curb. Youngest is singing "Show me the shape of your lunch!!!" at the top of his lungs while brother pukes.

6pm Friend shows up at door with balloons begging AGAIN for balloonagram delivery....but leaves as oldest gets sick once again....throw youngest in shower....assist with homework....keep pouring ginger ale and admiring musical moans of the oldest...play pokemon monopoly while doing dishes...answer phone 7 times...important IMs 3 times....Thank God dog has stopped peeing.

7pm Ex-husband shows up at door...youngest in shower for second time (spilled milk on himself felt dirty)....oldest runs past his dad to puke in the bathroom...youngest bolts out of shower nude at sound of puke and runs downstairs naked to talk to his dad...Ex wants the puker to come down and give him a hug before he goes....Friend shows up AGAIN (in a pink gorilla outfit now!!!) to get me to do this balloonagram (yes...I wear the gorilla suit)

8:15pm Oldest is finally asleep. Youngest ( wearing boxers now at least) is watching Brady Bunch. ( Can you imagine Carol Brady in my shoes? Where is Alice when you need her!?) Friend has finally accepted balloonagram defeat. Neighbor probably still thinking about "discreet affair". Ex is at his house in total misery with his gf, their baby, and her daughter,the dog is hiding under the couch as I glare at her, and I am venting to you all on the computer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Believe it or not...I did not make ANY of this up lolololololololol I am sure you have had days just like it....if only motherhood hadn't destroyed your ability to recall them!!

About the Author: Laurie Mullen is a 39 year old recently divorced high school teacher from upstate NY. She has two amazing boys..ages 8 2/3 and 10 1/2. (they insist on the fractions lolol) and a beagle whose age cannot be determined!! In addtion to teaching, she delivers singing balloonagrams and works as a consultant for school districts throughout the state. She has also been spotted around town as a sunday school teacher, cub scout leader, and t-ball coach lololol. Most days though she can be found trying to keep her sanity without trying to eat too much chocolate!! Email this page to a friend!