• Your 5-year-old has snuggled sweetly into the sofa, absorbed in her favorite hour-long video. She'll raise a ruckus if disturbed, and you've just got to run to the grocery store for no more than a half-hour. It'd be so peaceful to go alone, and she'd never miss you. Should you leave her alone?

• Your 11-year-old, who smugly graduated from elementary school last month, insists that he's old enough to stay home alone, all day, every day, and in fact is ready to have his own apartment if you would foot the bills. He hates to go to the local day camps, though he enjoys them once he gets there. Instead of fighting the same old fight every morning, why not leave him home alone for the day once in a while? It's a safe neighborhood. You have an alarm system. As long as he didn't leave the house, he may be safe. Should you leave him?

• Ever since the baby was born, your eldest daughter has wanted to be his full-time nanny. Now she's 9 and the baby's 4, and she's begging to practice baby-sitting on him. She insists she can care for him all by herself, and she IS dependable, but you've always been nearby. Should you let her?

When is it ever appropriate to leave our children at home? We parents must constantly re-answer that question for every situation and for every child. As for the scenarios above: No, maybe, and no. The 5-year-old is "too young to make any kind of decisions should anything come up. You can't even put a safety plan in place for her," said Jere Fenton, Child Protective Services supervisor in Fort Worth, Texas. With the 11-year-old grownup: "Ten to 12 years is the age range where we start to evaluate whether they can be left alone," Fenton said. "But we try to find ways to make the stay shorter. Research shows that kids left alone for long periods of time often get into trouble and mischief." As for the eager sitter: "It sounds like she's demonstrated responsibility, but 9 years old is really pushing it. Most parents would be reluctant to leave their preschoolers with a 9-year-old," Fenton said. In her favor, though, is her eagerness to care for him. Forcing older siblings to care for younger ones can create dangerous situations. Child experts agree that leaving children home alone is a situation best avoided. "Parents think, 'It's only for an hour or two.' But kids don't know time; they only know that the one who loves them is gone, " said Del McElroy, therapist LPC with The Parenting Center in Fort Worth, Texas. "You set them up [with all sorts of rules] to protect themselves, then you leave them. The emotional stress you leave them can set up anxiety, even resentment for the parent who has left them."

McElroy urged parents to try everything they can to keep their children from being home alone. Check with churches, Boys and Girls Clubs, the YMCA and recreation centers, the local child-care licensing bureau, your local department of human services. Try switching out child care with a co-worker who works a different shift, he suggested. But when is a child ready to be left alone?

1. Is your child in the upper part of his or her class? High intellectual capacity can help a child make good decisions.

2. Does your child handle responsibility well? A child who constantly resists or "forgets" to do routine chores shouldn't be trusted to follow rules without supervision. On the other hand, a child who shows consistent responsibility in other areas may continue that responsibility when left alone.

3. Does your child follow rules even when you're not watching? Children who do what they please until they get caught would be "set up to fail" if left alone.

4. Do both your child and you have ready access to telephones? Without that instant communication, too many situations become too dangerous for kids.

5. And consider carefully: Are you comfortable with the situation? Put some trust in your parenting instincts. If you think you'd be an emotional basket case the whole time your child was alone, don't even consider it yet.

6. If a parent has to leave a child home alone, McElroy suggests tightly controlled circumstances: "Make sure it's only when you work, not to go out for yourself or have fun with friends. Call often to say hi and check in with them. Have a family member call them. All these calls may lessen the anxiety that the kid is going to experience." If you leave them home alone, make your house child-friendly. Put everything they need down where they can reach them. Make sure they can operate the answering machine and other appliances they may need. Teach them to tell callers that Mom (or Dad) can't come to the phone right now, can they call back. Still, the best-considered safety plans are no match for solid supervision. "You can set up all the safety precautions and people to call, but the whole issue is that a child thrives on having people around," McElroy stressed. "When you're not there, when the authority's gone, you may be setting up a situation where you're allowing kid too much freedom for his own good."

About the Author: Amy Youngblood is a free-lance writer and ecopreneur. A former city editor of Fort Worth Child magazine, she has written for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, the Fort Myers (Fla.) News-Press and Sue Goldstein's Underground Shopper series. She has produced the newsletter for just about every organization she joins. Currently she is writing a novel and developing a line of Earth-friendly fabric gifts bags. She and her husband Mike West live with their two children and seven pets in Fort Worth, Texas.

Editors Note:
As a single parent, we all know the temptation leave the kids home alone briefly to run a quick errand (as we has SOOOO MANY things to and do and noone else to rely on). But, please put careful consideration into whether or not your kid(s) ready/capable of handling your absence, even if it's only for a very short time. I suggest when your child is around 10 years old, to get him/her acquainted with being home alone, run very short, quick errands. For instance, just a brief trip to the corner store to pick up a couple of items, or maybe a 15 minute excursion to the post office. But first, go over the house rules like:

1. NEVER answer the door,

2. Keep the alarm set, if you have one,

3. Don't mess with the stove, microwave or anything else that could catch fire,

4. make sure your child can reach someone they trust by telephone, be it a neighbor or relative who lives near-by. Ideally you should have a cellular telephone so your child can reach your directly,

5. Other rules particular to your home. Do exactly what you say you're going to do and RETURN PROMPTLY to help your child avoid unnecessary anxieties. This will also help to boost your child's self confidence knowing that you believe he/she is reliable enough to trust in your absence. When you return praise your child for a job well done.